What Small Groups Should Be...

and never seem to become.

Awakening to Life . . .

In one of the most stunning statements ever made, Jesus extended this invitation to those who would follow him: “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10.10). Take a look around many modern churches, though, and the signs of life, of authentic, vibrant, eternal kind of living, seem few and far between. For all the talk of freedom and abundance, of peace like a river and joy overflowing, we see precious little of it, to be completely honest.

Like kids invited to a holiday at the beach, only to arrive and discover an old sandbox with a puddle of mud, we plunge into the Christian journey with high hopes and expectations. But as we experience the brutal grind of everyday life and the grim realities of Churchianity, somewhere along the way our hopes are dashed. Too often, we find ourselves looking around at one another, thinking “Is this as good as it gets?”

And we lose heart… literally. We should know that in our broken and fallen world our hearts, the home of God’s Spirit, the source of Life, are constantly under attack. They are easily (and frequently) wounded through others’ acts of selfishness, betrayal, and neglect; through our own foolish attempts to find life apart from God; or simply when life does not go as we hoped it would. Under such assault, our heart’s tendency is to shut down, numb out, fake it, to harden and stay hidden, “under wraps” from God and others.

Jesus contrasts his life-giving mission with the life-draining goal of our enemy, the thief who “comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” Yes, keeping our heart free and alive, re-awakening it to the extravagant love of God and others, will be an ongoing battle. And you dare not go it alone. Like Jesus, you need others for the journey ahead.

Waking Up . . . [to the battle of your life]

John Eldredge notes that “Jesus didn’t march around backed by hundreds of followers… He had twelve men, knuckleheads, every last one of them, but they were a band of brothers. This is the way of the kingdom of God. Though we are part of a great company, we are meant to live in little platoons. The little companies we form must be small enough for each of the members to know one another as friends and allies” [excerpted from Waking the Dead].

Perhaps you attend an alternative service on Sundays. That’s great. Hopefully, you recognize some familiar faces each week and enjoy several acquaintances. But ask yourself a moment: Who here really knows you?

The real you? The uncensored you?

The deepest parts of you where your true feelings, your fears and hopes, your deepest longings and desires are buried? “Is it possible for 5,000 people who gather for an hour on a Sunday morning to really and truly know each other?” asks Eldredge. “Okay, how about 500? 180? It can’t be done. They can’t possibly be intimate allies. It can be inspiring and encouraging to celebrate with a big ol’ crowd of people, but who will fight for your heart?

Who will fight for your heart?”

Seriously, who? Who are you in relationship with for the exclusive purpose of “staying alive” at the heart level? Who is fighting alongside you to take hold of that “life to the full” described by Jesus? Here’s another question to consider: Who are you fighting for? You didn’t think we’re getting together just to “play church,” did you?

Small groups should invite folks to reject disconnected, self-sufficient living and enter into dynamic community and band together in this epic battle for “life to the full”, the life of the deep heart that is fully free, fully alive to the love of God.

Growing Together . . . [in authentic community]

Groups where… brave and transparent people who know the real you, the wounds you carry, the strengths you bear, and lock arms as fellow warriors, refusing to let you struggle by yourself any longer.

Groups where … vulnerable and courageous people who know your heart, the scars it bears, the beauty it holds, and come alongside you as friends eager for your glory as God’s child to be unveiled.

To know, and be known—by God and others—it’s our deepest longing…
and it should be the central purpose of small groups.

Church is not a building, nor is it simply an event that takes place on Sundays. “When Scripture talks about church, it means community,” writes Eldredge. “The little fellowships of the heart that are outposts of the kingdom. A shared life… Whatever else you do, you must have a small fellowship to walk with you and fight with you and bandage your wounds. …Within a small fellowship, we hear each other’s stories. We discover each other’s glories. We learn to walk with God together. We pray for each other’s healing. We cover each other’s back. This small core fellowship is the essential ingredient for the Christian life. Jesus modeled it to us for a reason. Sure, he spoke to the masses. But he lived in a little platoon, a small fellowship of friends and allies. His followers took his example and lived this way too: ‘They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts…’ (Acts 2:46).”

Small Groups should be the place to connect with “intimate allies,” not just acquaintances or casual friends. The should pursue aggressive spiritual growth with trusted allies, people who know our hearts, and are for our hearts. Where we take risks and “work out” our faith with fear and trembling… together.

Opening the Heart . . . [to transformation]

Small groups should be much more than your average Bible study or a place to simply acquire more facts and information about God. As Eldredge observes: “Most small groups are anything but redemptive powerhouses because, while the wineskin might be the right size, they don’t have the right wine. You can do some study till you’re blue in the face, and it won’t heal the brokenhearted or set the captives free. We come; we learn; we leave. It is not enough. Those hearts remain buried, broken, untouched, unknown. It is the Way of the Heart … that turns a small fellowship into a redemptive community.”

The goal of small groups should be the radical change and re-shaping of your heart.

Rather than just acquiring more facts about God, or learning more stuff to tell others about Jesus, the goal is to learn how to be Jesus to one another. Taking the conversation out of the realm of the merely theoretical, groups should be designed to be highly experiential! In small groups, we should be practicing opening more and more of ourselves to God and others, and learn to live in the rhythms of grace.

The kind of “heart change” these small groups are aiming for does not come naturally, nor easily. Small Groups should be designed to be safe places where brokenness is welcomed and grace is dispensed. Where group members are encouraged to take increasing risks of emotional vulnerability, over time revealing more and more of our true selves. This is accomplished by speaking the honest emotional truth about ourselves, as hard as this may be to speak, giving voice to the struggles we face, the temptations we battle, the fears we wrestle with, and the often confusing whispers we hear inside.

We ought to believe that God Himself delights in this kind of “truth telling” and uses it to do in us what we can’t accomplish in our own strength, to change, grow, mature, as grace replaces shame in our lives, and truth replaces lies we’ve believed about ourselves, God, and others. More than anything, in small groups, we should love to laugh and celebrate every milestone reached and every step taken toward “heart freedom” no matter how hesitant or halting it may be.

(adapted from http://www.liquidnj.com/TC_info.htm)