sick and tired of being sick and tired

about to give up. don't know how much more of this i can take. everything seems to be setting me off. i can't breathe. using my inhaler constantly. it's been so long since i last felt healthy. i don't remember what it was like. pretty much given up on doctors. everyday i look at all the medications i am taking and wonder if they are really doing anything for me. other than emptying my wallet. people say "we'll pray for your healing" why? it doesn't help. if it did something would have happened a long time ago. god holds no place in my life. you wanna really help? be there when i can't breathe. you don't have to say anything. just be there. let me know that i am not alone. cuz alone and isolated from the world is how i feel. i'm scared to go out for fear of having an attack. i just want this to be over.

worship for the perfect???

an article by sally morgenthaler that touches a live wire in me about the current state of the church and its take on worship. some quotes that caught my eye...

No sad songs. No angry songs. Songs about desperation, but none about despair. Worship for the perfect. The already arrived. The good-looking, inoffensive, and nice. No wonder the unchurched aren't interested.


the primary meeting place with our unchurched friends is now outside the church building. Worship must finally become, as Paul reminds us, more life than event (Romans 12:1-2).