Discontent

Been thinking about a lot of things lately. Things haven’t felt right. I’ve been feeling out of place, like I don’t belong, at work and at church and I don’t know why. I’ve thought about trying to find a new job, in a new place. I’ve thought about leaving church. But I think what it all boils down to is discontent. Discontent means I am unhappy with a choice that I made. Whether it was that I chose the wrong job, or the wrong place to live or that I need one more thing. All the shoulda, woulda, coulda, what ifs. If I really believe all that my heart knows, I would know that the only choice in the world that should matter to me is that God chose me. If I was secure in my beliefs, I would be content with just knowing that He chose me. But I live in a fallen world that has brought me down to it’s materialistic level.

I’ve set aside some time coming up to actually try to think things through. Don’t really know what I expect to find. I’m praying for direction in my life. Right now I’m just really confused. Do I want to keep doing what I’m doing or do I want to try something new? Do I really want to move? Do I really want to leave the church? I have no idea what I want. How can I figure it out? What I feel is that this can’t be all there is to life. How does one find meaning in life?