What do I believe?

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I believe.  Someone recently asked the question, how many people have I led to Christ.  I can honestly say none.  Is that wrong?  It’s never been an issue for me and yet now I have to answer for what others see as my seemingly wasted life.  Personally I think that it is a religious thing.  My background is Lutheran but I currently attend a Pentecostal church where this has recently become an issue.  I am not comfortable with this.  What I believe is that we can’t save ourselves, therefore we can’t lead anyone to Christ.  Sure you can share the gospel and inform people of what God did for us.  But the act of “Saving” is strictly one that only God alone can do.  All we can do is accept His gift and in return love and follow Him.  

I’ve also been thinking a lot about my role in the church.  And why do we even have church?  It seems like it’s just a big exclusive club.  Worst of all, I wouldn’t want to bring any of my friends (not that I have any) to the church I currently attend*.  There isn’t anything to be a part of other than the inner workings of the church.  We have no outreach, to anyone.  We just think we do.  I’m thinking about leaving.  But that won’t happen as they’ll never let me go peacefully.

I’m tired and depressed, so good night dark world.

(*I don’t mean to offend anyone who is part of the church I attend.  So if you happen to know me, and my church, and are reading this, please understand that I am just being honest about what I feel.)